Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
