dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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