I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
