Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Tell her she can't have a vagina
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
