The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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