I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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