At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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