i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
