I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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