thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
NoShamevember. You game?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
