I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
