They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
