So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
