is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
