ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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