Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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