currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
