Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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