she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
