I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We are all done wearing pants today
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
