so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
