My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
