Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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