I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
