Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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