I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
