i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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