i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
