Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
