so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
