I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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