I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
