??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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