if i can run in heels then i can drive
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
