O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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