roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
