Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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