so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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