my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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