Moan for me like Helen Keller
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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