what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
