so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize