You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Randomize
