i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
