that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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