i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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