just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
