JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
