im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
