i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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