Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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