So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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