you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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