My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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