currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
