rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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