I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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