We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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