with your own penis?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
