I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
