Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
