yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
