instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
