You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
