We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
