break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
