There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
