Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
