i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
