I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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