you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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