Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
