apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
